OK, so my Half Iron Man has been done for more than two months. I am out of goals and out of motivation to keep moving forward. I had a plan of doing IM Louisville in 2012 but I am just not sure that I can swing the training or monitary commitment to such a goal.
Next month will be 2 years since I reached my goal weight of 175 pounds. I have been up and down the scale since usually hovering around 180. However, I am finding it more and more difficult to maintain this lifestyle with each passing day.
During active weight loss it's easy. The constant pats on the back and congratulations help keep you focused on the goal. Fast forward a couple of years and now I am just a regular guy that has always been healthy, by most peoples standards anyway. Without any sort of carrot dangling out there and now I am really feeling the pressure to just relax and stop stressing so much about weight, exercise and health.
To complicate things further I feel normal when I am around my friends, family and co-workers. However, put me in a room with a bunch of triathletes and suddenly I develop a serious case of body dismorphia. I get super self-concious and feel like a big fat, lazy gross under-achieving slob.
Lastly, after almost 4 years of low-carb dieting I wan't to eat a cookie or have a slice of cake at a birthday party. This presents an entirely new challenge. My whole lifestyle has revolved around a very strict diet of whole foods and absolutely no sugar in any form. Should I choose to take a piece of cake how do I address those that I feel would encourage it but privately snicker. I feel like I am doomed either way. Ughh...
I spent the first 40 years of my life struggling with weight and while it appears that I have it all finally under control I am struggling internally trying to figure out how to deal with the new me. Terrified that if I eat something off plan I will slide off a cliff and be 300 pounds again and let everyone that encouraged me along the way down.
My gut reaction is to sign up for IM Louisville but what happens next year when IM Louisville is behind me? This has me wondering what's the point, if training for another big race is only going to be a temporary solution. That's not considering the cost and how to pay for it.
Anyone that has lost weight struggle with similar demons? How did you are do you deal with it?